hello!!

happy birthday to me! its not a too special day.. where everyone celebrates their 21st in parties and dolling up themselves.. i'm at home sleeping, making up for the loss of sleep last night..

went to byron bay last night.. or rather morning.. ok whatever.. the sunrise was not as beautiful as we last went in winter.. but catching the glimpse of the first light is good.. we reached there at about 4+.. which is really quick be cos we left at about 2.30am.. so we took about less than 2 hours.. how crazy is that.. was trying hard not to fall asleep so that he won't feel loney.. and then we started singing.. haha

didn't know new south wales have daylight savings.. and by the time we reach the town its 7+ already.. but its still 6+ in queensland.. went to mt tamborine and reached there at about 7+.. the shops and all were still closed.. had coffee at one of the places.. oks we didn't really have a choice be cos that was the only one that is opened.. it wasn't too bad having coffee there.. and then went back home.. reached home at about 10.30.. and tried to sleep..didn't really sleep well.. i don't know why.. there are too many things on my mind.. but i found the long lost feeling of sleeping in his arms.. it was so heart warming..

i just cannot put that behind my mind.. it just pops out every now and then.. and i promised to let it go.. i am trying real hard.. but i just can't do it.. my heart aches everytime i see them msn-ing.. sms or whatever crap.. i said i would transfer credit to his phone.. but now i am so reluctant.. why the hell should i transfer credit for you to msg other girls..

he said its hard on him.. he said he is so much more toned down now.. be cos he cares about my feeling.. sometimes.. i really don't know if i should belive you.. i think i shouldn't even remember what you say.. be cos you don't.. promises are meant to be broken.. and i hate that feeling.. be cos i hate liars..

today is just not the best of day for a 21st birthday.. be cos i am thrown at home again.. be cos he needs to go to sch to have proj meeting with his acct mates.. now i am really wondering if he is really in sch or at somebody's place.. i don't know.. we didn't have dinner at home.. ate out be cos there wasn't much time to cook.. if not he will be late for meeting.. ate 1/2 chicken.. and he said i would be hungry and he doesn't want me to be hungry.. sometimes hua yan qiao yu can make a girl kuku.. yes i am touched.. but at the back of my mind i still cannot forget what he did.. or rather.. what he is doing now.. sometimes i really have the chong dong to just delete and block her contact in his account.. i just don't get it.. she has a boyfriend.. she shouldn't be like this.. or maybe i am just too silly to be thinking this way.. i am really very angry with her.. i don't know how to face her in future.. to think i used to help her so much in school.. let her see my reports.. help her as much as i can be cos i know its tough.. and this is what i get.. fuck

i guess i just have to slap myself hard to wake up from this nightmare..

all right shut up.. on a lighter note..

i've got lots of birthday wishes all over! thank you guys! from msn to sms to facebook to friendster.. i really appreciate all lots! especially people who purposely waited till 12 to wish me happy birthday.. thank you so much! and the most touching sms was frm my dad.. he doesn't sms anyone.. and i thought it was my sis who helped him to type.. but apparently not.. he sent me a birthday wish in chinese.. i was really really touched.. i really miss my family a lot a lot! i want to go home!

i will really try hard and do as many things so that i can go back for cny.. i really want to go home..